April Negotiates

On Monday, I spoke on the subject of women and negotiations to about 50 women at The Financial Women’s Association of San Francisco. One of the points I made was that women need to compare themselves to all workers, including men in similar positions, not just to other women when they are preparing for salary negotiations. One of the questions that came up was how to get this salary information as it generally isn’t posted on the wall at work. After my talk, one of… Read More »Conspiracy Theories

In the world of win-win negotiating, understanding “interests” is our first step because our goal is to reach an agreement that maximizes the interests of both parties and this is only possible if those interests are understood and communicated. But what is an “interest” and how does it differ from a position? Interests are the underlying needs, desires, concerns, and fears that are important to you and lead you to become involved in the negotiation in the first place.  Your interests are why you take… Read More »Negotiating Basic: What’s an “interest”?

“In the business world, women who are aggressive, assertive, and confident but who can turn these traits on and off, depending on the social circumstances, get more promotions than either men or other women, according to a recent study coming out of the Stanford Graduate School of Business.”  Such begins a brief article in the spring 2011 issue of Stanford Business Magazine Online describing research done recently by professors Olivia O’Neill at George Mason University and Charles O’Reilly at Stanford. This is an important and… Read More »“Masculine traits” and promotions — Finally some good news for women!

Folks say that women should negotiate more. Women’s forums bemoan that women are not more confident. But which comes first, the negotiating or the confidence?  Well, actually they feed on each other and I’d like to suggest that by learning to ask for and getting at least some of what you want and need to be successful, your confidence will increase.  By pointing out that you are doing a good job, rather than expecting others to notice, and by asking to be acknowledged through raises,… Read More »Chicken and Egg: Confidence and Negotiating

There are lots of myths about negotiating.  I like this list of 5 myths from Negotiation Space, another blog. Much of what makes us shy away from negotiating are misconceptions.  Check out this quick list so you can start to reframe the process! http://www.karrass.com/blog/5-biggest-myths-about-negotiation/

There are many instances in which we negotiate but an important one is when we want to improve our situation in some way.  We have a goal.  For a goal to be meaningful and achievable it should be: something you want, and believe you deserve, and are willing to work for 1)    Something you want:  This could be a professional goal or a personal one. You are more likely to achieve your goal if you 1) aim high and 2) are specific.  Aiming high is… Read More »What do you want? Set your goal!

Last week, I mentioned that one reason that women don’t like to negotiate is that they are worried, with reason, that people won’t like them.  This point is echoed in this 14 minute TED talk in which Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, discusses why there are too few women in top leadership positions: 9 of 190 heads of state 13% of members of parliament globally 15% C level corporate leaders 20% of top nonprofit leaders These numbers not only haven’t improved since 2002 but… Read More »Negotiating skills and women who make it to the top

Once I’ve managed to convince you that negotiating is critical to your success, many of you may continue to avoid it.  Why is this?  I think there are several reasons but I will address only one this week. Women, like men, want to be liked and most women know intuitively that they risk being liked less if they ask for too much.  While being confident, outspoken, and self-promoting is expected of men, this is not so true for women.  Research demonstrates that when women promote… Read More »Why do women regard negotiations with fear and loathing?

If you take a class on negotiations, one of the things you are likely to learn is your preferred negotiating style.  There are five styles that have been identified and most people tend toward one more than the others, although we are all somewhat of a mixture.  It is very helpful to recognize which styles you tend toward so that you can be aware of this when you are going into a negotiation.  There is a quick test you can take to figure it out… Read More »What is your negotiating style?

Negotiating is important for everyone but men seem to already know this. Realizing that it’s crucial is what is key for women. Most men assume that they will need to ask for something if they want it. And they don’t find it that uncomfortable or mortifying to do so.  In fact, some even enjoy it. In contrast, women assume they will be rewarded if they work hard and perform. Unfortunately, assuming the world is fair and that people get what they have earned or what… Read More »Is negotiating especially important for women?