Folks say that women should negotiate more. Women’s forums bemoan that women are not more confident. But which comes first, the negotiating or the confidence?  Well, actually they feed on each other and I’d like to suggest that by learning to ask for and getting at least some of what you want and need to be successful, your confidence will increase.  By pointing out that you are doing a good job, rather than expecting others to notice, and by asking to be acknowledged through raises,… Read More »Chicken and Egg: Confidence and Negotiating

There are lots of myths about negotiating.  I like this list of 5 myths from Negotiation Space, another blog. Much of what makes us shy away from negotiating are misconceptions.  Check out this quick list so you can start to reframe the process! http://www.karrass.com/blog/5-biggest-myths-about-negotiation/

There are many instances in which we negotiate but an important one is when we want to improve our situation in some way.  We have a goal.  For a goal to be meaningful and achievable it should be: something you want, and believe you deserve, and are willing to work for 1)    Something you want:  This could be a professional goal or a personal one. You are more likely to achieve your goal if you 1) aim high and 2) are specific.  Aiming high is… Read More »What do you want? Set your goal!

Last week, I mentioned that one reason that women don’t like to negotiate is that they are worried, with reason, that people won’t like them.  This point is echoed in this 14 minute TED talk in which Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, discusses why there are too few women in top leadership positions: 9 of 190 heads of state 13% of members of parliament globally 15% C level corporate leaders 20% of top nonprofit leaders These numbers not only haven’t improved since 2002 but… Read More »Negotiating skills and women who make it to the top

Once I’ve managed to convince you that negotiating is critical to your success, many of you may continue to avoid it.  Why is this?  I think there are several reasons but I will address only one this week. Women, like men, want to be liked and most women know intuitively that they risk being liked less if they ask for too much.  While being confident, outspoken, and self-promoting is expected of men, this is not so true for women.  Research demonstrates that when women promote… Read More »Why do women regard negotiations with fear and loathing?

If you take a class on negotiations, one of the things you are likely to learn is your preferred negotiating style.  There are five styles that have been identified and most people tend toward one more than the others, although we are all somewhat of a mixture.  It is very helpful to recognize which styles you tend toward so that you can be aware of this when you are going into a negotiation.  There is a quick test you can take to figure it out… Read More »What is your negotiating style?

Negotiating is important for everyone but men seem to already know this. Realizing that it’s crucial is what is key for women. Most men assume that they will need to ask for something if they want it. And they don’t find it that uncomfortable or mortifying to do so.  In fact, some even enjoy it. In contrast, women assume they will be rewarded if they work hard and perform. Unfortunately, assuming the world is fair and that people get what they have earned or what… Read More »Is negotiating especially important for women?

The idea for this blog, as well as for my training and coaching business (www.aprilgilbert.com), came from the many friends and acquaintances who have, over the years, asked me for strategic advice, tactical coaching, and tips on important negotiations in their lives.  Sometimes, the need is immediate and they must have advice in the next 30 minutes.  Other times, I have worked with them over days, weeks, or months.  But always, they end up feeling more confident, empowered, and skillful than they did before and,… Read More »Why write (or read) a blog on negotiations?